


Behind the Scenes: The Silly

by CrlkSeasons



Series: Thirty Days Onward [13]
Category: Star Trek Voyager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrlkSeasons/pseuds/CrlkSeasons
Summary: The first of a set of totally tongue-in-cheek pieces of fluff. What else can one do with Fair Haven?Why Kathryn and Seven showed up in Fair Haven and B’Elanna didn’t.





	1. B'Elanna

**Author's Note:**

> This set starts with the silly in this three chapter story, continues on to the ridiculous in the next story and then finally comes back again.

“B’Elanna?” 

Tom Paris sauntered into engineering. His relaxed pace and his use of the Chief Engineer’s first name told her staff that there was no emergency at the helm. Aside from a reckless few who were willing to risk the chief’s wrath by indulging their curiosity about her love life, they quickly turned back to their duties. 

B’Elanna was half-hidden behind a side console. She poked her head around when she heard Tom’s voice. He had already dropped off his regular conn report. There was no reason for him to make a second visit to engineering this early in the day. The padd in Tom’s hand could contain some important data, or it might be a cover for a personal visit. B’Elanna gestured for Tom to join her in the alcove so they could talk privately. 

“What is it, Tom? My staff will be suspicious if you deliver two conn reports in one day.” 

Tom smiled broadly. “Hey! Give me some credit. I’m on a break. Can’t I take a few minutes out of my busy day to visit the most fascinating engineer in the quadrant? He stepped closer to her as he spoke. 

Only the quadrant?” she asked dryly, observing tactics that she suspected he was using to soften her up. 

Tom closed the rest of the distance between them and his voice acquired a suggestive, teasing tone. “Probably the galaxy. But I haven’t had time to check out all the engineers in the galaxy and I know you like me to be thorough in my research.”

“Then I’ll let it go at the quadrant for now.” B’Elanna bantered back, resting her hand over his heart. “I wouldn’t want you to strain yourself having to investigate all those fascinating engineers.” 

He grinned. “It would be a waste of time trying to find anyone more fascinating than you,” 

She tried to keep a straight face but found herself grinning back. She drew him farther back into the alcove. “I have a few minutes of my own to spare. What’s on your mind besides being with fascinating me?” 

“Being with you is always at the top of my list. But, now that you mention it, I do have some questions to ask about the energy requirements for a holoprogram that I’m working on.” 

“Tom! Not another holoprogram! What is it this time?” Captain Proton, the Sequel?

Tom wrinkled his nose and scoffed at that idea. “No! Captain Proton’s adventures are old news.” His face brightened. “This one is different. It’s a program for the entire crew.” 

“Like Sandrine’s?” she asked, reminding him that he had already created a program for the entire crew. 

Tom wasn’t deterred in his enthusiasm. “Sandrine’s was great, in its own way. This one is going to be really different. It will be a whole village, lots of variety, something for everyone. I’m designing it so everyone on the ship can feel comfortable dropping by, lower deck crew, senior staff, everyone,” he repeated. 

B’Elanna sighed. She knew from experience that nothing she could say would deter him once he reached this stage in one of his enthusiasms. “So, what kind of village did you have in mind?” she asked, giving in to the inevitable. 

“I’ve been learning about old Ireland from the Captain. She’s given me lots of ideas. I want it to recreate a traditional village and include all the features found in one of those old villages. You know, cobblestone streets, a town square, a church, … a pub,” he added a bit too casually for it really to have been an afterthought.

“I see. That sounds very … nice. So what did you want to ask me about?” 

“Well the program would be more fun if the characters had interactive programs so they could relate to each other like real villagers.” 

“That’s going to take some pretty complex programming, Tom, not to mention a huge amount of energy.” 

“I know. That’s what I wanted to ask you about. I need to know how much energy I can tap into without overloading the hologrid. Maybe you could give me some suggestions about how to set up the program to make the most efficient use of the energy available.” 

“Why don’t you just ask Harry to set it up for you?”

“I want to do as much as I can on my own. Harry’s not the only one who is trying to stretch his skills. I’m going to wait until I’m done before I let him see this one.” 

“All right. I’ll look into it for you - later. Right now I have more important work to do.” 

“More important? What could be more important than my holoprogram?” he asked in mock wonder. 

“Don’t push your luck, Flyboy,” she warned. 

“But I like living dangerously,” he countered, lowering his voice again. 

She just crossed her arms and stared back at him. 

“Okay, okay!” he said. He held his hands up, simulating surrender.  
B’Elanna was an old hand at this game. She knew that he was merely changing strategies. 

Sure enough, Tom moved on to the ‘soft sell’. “Would you like to see what I’ve programmed so far? Say, tonight after dinner?” 

“Tom,” she began, slowly shaking her head. “You know I’m not into that kind of program.” At his look of disappointment, she amended hastily. ”Look, I love the time we spend together on the holodeck and I do enjoy your car program. But if we have to be in a crowd, I’d rather meet you in the mess hall where we’re not using up holodeck rations. Why don’t you just tell me about your holoprogram while we have dinner? Then we’ll still have time after dinner for … other things.” 

He smiled even more broadly. “It’s a deal.” 

“Your break must be almost over by now. You’d better get back to the bridge before you’re late.” 

“I’ll see you later.” 

“Don’t be late!” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Uh huh,” she grunted skeptically. 

B’Elanna watched Tom stride out of Engineering. She nodded to herself, well pleased with the outcome of their negotiations. “Leave the games and the silly costumes to the rest of the crew,” she told herself before turning her attention back to the ongoing challenge of maintaining her engines at peak efficiency.


	2. Kathryn

Tom sprinted down the corridor and made it to the turbolift in less than a minute. It was a well-practiced routine. He knew he could make it back to the bridge in time for the resumption of his shift. 

Tom was a bit disappointed that he hadn’t been able to talk B’Elanna into trying out his new holodeck program. But as much as he enjoyed spending time with her on the holodeck, he enjoyed their time together no matter where they spent it. 

There was one lady Tom wasn’t giving up on so easily. He was determined to get the Captain to try out his new program. She needed to unwind too, and her options for doing so on Voyager were limited. Tom tried to get her to relax whenever he could do so without overstepping the boundaries of rank that separated them. Okay, so maybe he fudged that line a little from time to time. 

Tom smiled when he remembered how well the Captain had fit into the role of Arachnia. He never did tell her that he’d had her in mind when he created Arachnia. He knew that he had made many mistakes in his life. But he wasn’t about to do something that stupid. Well, maybe some day. When they were back in the Alpha Quadrant and she was in a really good mood. He’d tell her then. He knew she would appreciate the humor when she didn’t have to spend every minute of every day being the Captain. She’d have a good laugh over it. 

In the meantime, he’d gotten the idea for this new program from the Captain’s interest in her Irish heritage. Once he envisioned the possibilities, he’d forged ahead with plans to develop a fully interactive village. It would be a program that everyone, including the Captain, could visit. 

The turbolift doors opened and Tom stepped onto the bridge exactly twenty seconds early. He glanced over at the conn where Chakotay was standing next to Culhane. 

“Not again,” Tom muttered under his breath. “Chakotay, don’t you know how nervous you make him when you look over his shoulder that way?” 

Tom supposed that Chakotay was trying to be supportive. But Tom could see the tension in Culhane’s neck from clear across the bridge. Chakotay was too intimidating a figure for the young ensign. He’d have to take Culhane aside and share some more of the stories about Chakotay and his luck with Voyager’s shuttles. That should help Culhane to relax around him. 

In her ready room, the Captain was waiting for Tom to arrive with his next assignment. He was cutting it close today. He was rarely actually late for meetings. He just arranged to arrive right on the dot, giving everyone the impression that he was going to be late. 

Tom had been meeting with Kathryn for months now. He was almost ready to step back up to the rank of lieutenant. This was one of the last assignments that she had set up for him. Their meetings would soon be over.

Kathryn was going to miss the meetings. She looked forward to reading Tom’s reports and finding the jokes that he embedded in them. She enjoyed the opportunity to discuss ideas with Tom. It gave her a break from her regular routine, even if she was only exchanging her Captain’s hat for that of mentor-instructor.

A few meetings earlier, Tom had started asking her questions about Irish culture. At first she thought that this was a ploy to divert her attention from his next assignment. Soon she realized that he was genuinely interested in the subject. He’d explained that he was thinking of using an Irish village in a new holoprogram. 

She’d begun to scour the ship’s database. She’d located a wealth of information on architectural styles of the period. Tom had found these very useful. They’d gotten into the habit of spending time at the end of each meeting discussing his village. It had been fun to talk to someone who shared an interest in her Irish heritage.

Kathryn glanced at the padd on her desk, ‘Social Structure in a Nineteenth Century Irish Village’. She hoped that this would prove to be equally helpful to Tom. 

Tom entered the Captain’s ready room almost exactly on the dot. He put his hands behind his back to take the formal stance he usually assumed. 

“One of these days, Mr. Paris, you’re going to trip on the steps and end up being five seconds late instead of five seconds early. I assume that you have your report ready for me.”

“Yes, ma’am. ‘Managing Waste Efficiently in a Closed Environment.’ One of the more stimulating topics that I’ve covered so far,” he commented with apparent sincerity.

“I’m not going to ask what you found particularly stimulating, Tom. So you can drop the act.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He let a small smile escape. He knew he’d gotten her thinking about how far he had managed to go in inserting double meanings into this report. It had been almost too easy. The topic had been a natural. 

Kathryn placed his report in her imaginary ‘in-box’ and made a mental note to remember not to read it and drink coffee at the same time. She handed Tom the padd that she had located for him. “I found another source for you.”

His enthusiasm over this dry title was genuine. “This is great, Captain. It’s exactly what I need. Any suggestions about what to use as models for the characters I am developing?” 

“I only locate the sources, Tom. You have to do your own research after that.” 

“Can’t fault me for trying to make the job easier. Seriously though, Captain. Any advice on what kind of people to include in an authentic Irish village?” 

“Well,” Kathryn conceded, sitting back in her chair. “According to my great-aunt, three staples of life in an Irish village were the priest, the doctor and the pub master. I do remember her talking a great deal about an old picture of a flower seller in a square. I don’t know how important a flower seller was to life in a village. It just seemed to my aunt that she added such a beautiful touch of color to the village square with her bunches of fresh-cut flowers.” 

Kathryn smiled to herself and then continued. “I think that what is important to remember is that in those villages, people of varying social status, financial means and formal education mixed freely together.” 

She looked up to see Tom looking intently back at her. She realized that he had once again managed to get her talking about her favorite subject. “Now that’s enough, Mr. Paris. It’s time to get back to work.” 

He smiled. “Thanks for your help, Captain. When the program is finished, will you drop by and have a look at it? See how it turned out? Check the details?” 

“I don’t have much time for holodeck programs these days, Mr. Paris.” 

“It would mean a lot, Captain. It’s not like it’s going to be a personal program. It will be open to the entire crew.” 

“Maybe, Mr. Paris.”

“Thanks, Captain.” 

“I said, ‘maybe’, Mr. Paris.”

“Thanks anyway, Captain.”

“Dismissed.”


	3. Seven

A few hours later, Seven of Nine strode purposefully into the mess hall and took up a position in front of one of the tables. 

“Ensign Paris!” 

Seven could turn a simple statement of title and name into a demand for attention. 

“What’s up, Seven?” Tom was much too used to interacting with Seven to take offence at her tone. He considered it his personal duty to get her to ‘loosen up’ so that she could fit in and be more comfortable around the crew. He often indulged his penchant for colloquial speech when dealing with her.

In turn, Seven accepted Tom’s colorful figures of speech without rebuke. She filed them away as another idiosyncrasy on his part, one more challenge to be faced in her ongoing study of humanity and its social customs. 

“I wish to ask you a question,” she informed him. She ignored his nonverbal invitation to sit and assumed the at ease stance that she maintained during most personal encounters with fellow crewmembers. 

“I have heard that you are creating a holographic simulation that will provide opportunities for the crew to exercise their social skills. Is this information correct?”

Tom sat back in his chair and mentally translated Seven’s speech into everyday language. He concluded that she must be referring to his village program. “Yeah, that’s one way of putting it, Seven. Why do you ask?” 

“You are aware, that I have become interested in developing my social skills. Your program may offer further opportunities to assist me in this endeavor. I wish to request permission to participate in your holoprogram. Is this acceptable?”

Tom gave her an encouraging smile. “Sure, Seven. You didn’t have to ask. Everyone is welcome. Do you want to be one of the characters in the program?”

“One of the characters?” she repeated his words in order to elicit clarification. 

“You know, like when you were Constance Goodheart. You could be one of the villagers, the teacher maybe?”

“What would that involve? I do not wish to be required to scream in order to assist you in saving Earth.”

Tom had once persuaded Seven to try out his Captain Proton program. His attempt to get her to assume the persona of a helpless female had been a flop. 

“This would be totally different, Seven. You’d only have to spend some time with the village kids in the classroom. Most of the time, it will be the weekend in the village. You can do whatever you want then. Being the teacher just gives you an identity, a costume to wear, a name to use with the other villagers.”

“Spending time with children in a classroom does not sound at all appealing. I wish to further my social skills with a view to learning how to interact in adult relationships.”

“I see,” he said and quickly reconsidered the possibilities. “Well there’s no rule against turning up as yourself and just meeting the locals at the pub.”

“That would not be suitable. I do not consume alcoholic beverages.”

Only years of experience dealing with Seven kept Tom from giving up on the conversation at this point. “A pub isn’t just about beer. It’s more like the village meeting place. You can be there without drinking alcohol if you want. I’ve already programmed the bartender to drink coffee.”

“That would not be an improvement. I also do not consume caffeine.” 

“Water then,” Tom persisted. “It’s the atmosphere and the camaraderie that matter.”

Seven considered the information that he had presented to her. “Very well. I will adapt to the parameters that you have established for the program. Please inform me when you have completed your work. ”

“Will do!” Tom shook his head in wonder after she left. What would Seven come up with next? 

Still, Seven socializing in the village was probably better than some of the other alternatives she’d tried. She was such a formidable presence that she really didn’t have many options for developing her social skills on the ship. 

After all, what was she supposed to do, practice her dating skills with the Doctor? That would be cruel. Tom knew that the Doctor had genuine romantic feelings for Seven. It wouldn’t be fair to let Seven master flirting techniques with him when she was oblivious to his true feelings. 

Who else was there for her to socialize with in that way on the senior staff? It pretty much had to be someone on the senior staff. Seven intimidated just about everyone else. 

Harry? Tom shook his head at the idea. He knew that any chance for that relationship had already missed the boat. 

Tuvok then? Seven did spend a lot of time with Tuvok. But he was not only married, he was a Vulcan - enough said there. 

Neelix? He definitely counted as an unofficial member of the senior staff so the idea was worth considering. However, it sometimes felt like Neelix had cornered the market on blondes. He and Kes were involved when the two of them first came on Voyager. He was a long-time good buddy of Sam Wildman. It didn’t seem fair for him to get the inside track with Seven too. 

Chakotay? Now there was an idea right out of left field! 

Tom shook his head to bring himself back to reality. He picked up his padd and resumed work on his program.


End file.
